Tales From the Customer Service Crypt

Real stories. Real verdicts. Disney-inspired strategies that turn ordinary service businesses into unforgettable brands.

The Explosive Diarrhea Outbreak That Exposes Exactly How You're Silently Losing Clients

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 19/07/2026

Taco Bell's lettuce outbreak sat undetected for two months before anyone got sick. Your service standards rot the same way. I call it Disservification, and it costs you clients who never once complained. Here's how to catch it before the outbreak.

customer experienceExplosive Diarrheataco belldisservificationservice rot

Walmart Quietly Fired the Robots. What That Expensive Retreat Reveals About Customer Loyalty

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 05/07/2026

Walmart, Target, and Dollar General are ripping out self-checkout. The real reason isn't theft, it's customer loyalty. Here's where your business hid its own self-checkout machine, and the four moves to rip it out this week.

customer experience

The Heartbreaking Truth About Your Failing Customer Experience

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 24/02/2026

Is Your Business Rotting? Stop the systematic failure killing your profits. Discover how Disney's "plussing" secret saved their bottom line and how you can engineer a titanium cage around your clients to command the highest fees in town.

customer experiencecustomer retentionplussing

What Ridiculous Wine Descriptions Teach Us About Customer Experience and Retention

by: Vance MorrisPublished on: 13/01/2026

What absurd wine descriptions teach us about customer experience and retention and why confusion, not price, drives customers away.

customer experiencecxloyaltycustomer loyalty

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Systematic Magic

Vance Morris

The ONLY Disney Experience & Direct Response Marketer, who actually worked at The Disney Company

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How I Judge Every Story

Every week I dig up a real customer experience, from the headlines or from my own life, and stamp it with one of four verdicts.

Risen From the Crypt: The rare business that shocks me in the best way. Somebody did something so right it deserves to be studied and stolen for your own shop. I show you the system behind it.

Signs of Life: A business that was flatlining and started breathing again. They're not there yet, but they're moving in the right direction, and the fix they made is one you can make too.

Cause of Death: An autopsy on an everyday failure. The small, ordinary letdowns that quietly kill loyalty in businesses everywhere, probably including yours. I name the cause and show you how to keep it out of your building.

DOA: Dead on Arrival: A decision so bad it never had a chance. These are the ones where I stop being polite, because somebody with a budget and a committee should have known better.